I could make wine with my vomit
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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