She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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