While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize