i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
