I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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