so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
