Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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