Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You pole danced in your parka.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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