Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize