I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
