when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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