she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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