Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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