Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
