i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
