dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
