Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He did a backflip because drugs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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