idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
