im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
