Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
