First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
