you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
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