If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
