There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
