I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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