she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
