So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
