half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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