when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
