So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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