I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just gift wrapped bread.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
