you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
