You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
