Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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