So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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