i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
