You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
