I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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