end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
