My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
