i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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