I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
