Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
