he told me I talked like a deaf person
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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