Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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