No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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