it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
