Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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