i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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