There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
