Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
