I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
