I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
this hospital has no fireball
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
