mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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