You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
