My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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