The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
