after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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