He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have fence marks all over my body
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
