what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize