That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
