So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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