I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
