Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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