So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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