What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
